guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
