Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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