i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
