My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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