worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
