i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
