you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
