I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
