It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
