I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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