how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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