This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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