Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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