Non-Jews are for practice
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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