Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
