you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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