Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
