Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
