Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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