Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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