I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
