my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I want a musical about memes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
