I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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