If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
