i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
