I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize