I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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