If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it hurts more in the daytime
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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