So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
