Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
