Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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