Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
