Umm I'm too high to move.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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