You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
