you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
