Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
