I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
