On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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