Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
