Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
