There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
