Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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