He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
