i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
