I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
