So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
