I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
