Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize