i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
