Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
