The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
