Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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