i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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