Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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