Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
