If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.