i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....