i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.