Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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