the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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