life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
