Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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