I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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