so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
