i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize