Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
