the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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