Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
