Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
cat food counts as protein by the way
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have aggressive nipples.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
