i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
