Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
