I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize