I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is it because I queefed?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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