3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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