You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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