I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
