I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
