How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
