Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
