I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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