dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
