What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
