And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
