There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
